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1. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan"
is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in
second grade.
2. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered
the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a
temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed
NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
3. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris
once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the
turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
5. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer.
You will score a 1600.
6. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won
the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get
out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a
green #4 card from the game UNO.
7. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips,
but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
8. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says,
"Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?"
he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
9. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game,
but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him
to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris
replied, "That's no glitch."
10. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
11. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child.
Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and
then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
13. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
14. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face.
He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels,
and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.
15. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to
a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
16. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper,
what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
17. Due to his deep respect for the genre, Chuck Norris has never
recorded a hardcore gansta rap album, because if he ever did record
one, all the other rappers would look so soft by comparison.
18. 50 Cent was shot nine times and survived. 50 Cent has been
round-house kicked by Chuck Norris exactly zero times, and that is
the only reason he survives.
19. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
20. Moses didn't part the Red Sea, Chuck Norris did... with his fist.
21. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor.
That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
22. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
23. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an
attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
24. Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets; they dodge him.
25. Chuck Norris speaks brail
26. chuck norris has a new brand a laxatives you open up the box and
it is a picture of him. you automatically crap yourself.
27. Chuck Norris has a nightlight. Not because he's afraid of the
dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
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